Wednesday, December 11, 2013

MOVIES

Yesterday, I went to watch Frozen with these really great people hahaha :-) (I really wanted to post a group photo, but for privacy reasons, I didn't) (or should I? idk HAHA)


I went to the newly-opened cinema at JEM :-) It was a really big cinema compared to the one at JCube. The movie was great! (it seemed alotttt shorter than catching fire though) And as you can see, I was wearing this pair of purple converse sneakers that I just bought! :-) I feel so bimbo-y haha but it really was a great day. We went to the rooftop of the shopping mall and camwhored :p Well, I skywhored (aka taking a lot of pictures of the sky)


The view here of the sky was great! I think it would have looked a lot prettier if I blurred the christmas light slightly though :p it would look more magical HAHA me and my ambience issues

I like how it was a very light hearted day although I felt like I talked without thinking but that's fine! I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings. No, I wasn't straightforward but usually I would think for a few seconds before saying something, but I didn't do that yesterday haha Oh yeah, I NEED TO START ON MY HOLIDAY HOMEWORK FML too lazy to start.. I've been rolling around whenever I'm at home during the holidays so far.... )-:

By the way, yesterday was Day 3 of my Blogilates workout! After the designated exercises, I did ABC abs again because I felt yesterday's workout wasn't enough. (woah hold on there horsey LOL) When I woke up this morning, my whole body was sore, so I guess I will rest for today :/ I hope I will finish this whole workout calendar! I've been giving up everything I've taken up halfway so far in my life: piano, tuition, studying, MUGGING (i mug for half an hour the day before an exam and I just leave and never come back ///I went to play LoL FML super wrong timing to get addicted to a game///) So, I hope I can actually persist for something, I think it would really boost up my confidence since I'm such a loser for giving up everything halfway LOL that's all I have to say for today :-) ///goes back to watching anime and k-dramas instead of doing homework and exercising///

Monday, December 9, 2013

FINALLY GOT SOME EXERCISE

Hellu! It's been a great day! Just realised I've been really deep and depressed the last few blog post (if not all), so I'm going to be more cheerful and slightly on the bimbotic side today! :-) Cut my hair short last week! My hair used to be all the way down to ribcage level, if not slightly more. Now, it's in the middle between my collarbones and boobs HAHA

Okay so I've been a little bit gloomy these days, and suddenly in the middle of the day, I was like, "I SHOULD EXERCISE" But I was too lazy to do cardio, so I went to Blogilates and followed some workout routines. (Yes LOL) A few of my friends and my sister knows Blogilates and bubzbeauty follows her for routines too! So I went to blogilates.com and searched for some workout routines, and I found this Beginner workout calendar for 1 month. It's great for me haha I printed it out and I did the first one! (Or day 1) So apparently you have to work out 6 days in a week and there will be one rest day. Each day there will be this workout exercise that Blogilates has scheduled for you, and you just search that work out on youtube, and there will be this video tutorial on that exercise done by Blogilates! It's great :-) Futhermore, I believe each workout is about 30-45 minutes so it doesn't take too long :-)

So I did Day 1, and it wasn't so bad :p (I guess I'm pretttyyyy fit after all) Hope fully, I will get through everything without giving up haha :p

P.S. I'm not doing this to lose weight, I'm skinny (i feel), but I'm flabby. So I figured I can exercise just to make myself feel healthier and hopefully (maybe) it will help my NAPFA next year LOL
By the way, NAPFA is this nationwide programme for students where they test out our fitness level through some stuff like sit-ups and 2.4 km running, etc. I barely pass every year, so hopefully I can do better next year. :p

Only doing that one routine for about half an hour really boosted by emotional level (??) I was ALOT happier and I was feeling a lot more positive and better about my self. So, I guess exercise is great :p I will do it more often HAHA

Btw the link for the beginner workout calendar is here - http://www.blogilates.com/calendar/beginners-calendar-for-popsters-just-starting-out

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Thursday, November 7, 2013

I became the person I promised I would never be. {Change?}

Heylo, long time since I posted /i feel/, but it's the holidays!! My life is still relatively hectic but at least I don't have to study :p too much work. Today, I'm going to be talking about change. :-)

Remember how you were complaining (or bitching) about that someone you disliked? How their personality doesn't quite fit with you? How you would NEVER in the world would be like that? Guess what? You probably became like that person you would never be.

Everyone changes every second, depending on where you went, who you have talked to, what you have done. And it really upsets me when one day, when I'm talking to my closest friends, and I feel like a total bitch! Why? Because *I* became a total bitch and *i* personally feel that I am treating my friend bad, even though they didn't complain. I used to remember how we would talk about that one friend who changed and went off to hang out with their cooler friends, and casted us off to one corner, treating us as 'second choice' friends. Well, I'm probably like that now..

"The most cynical, meanest and most judgmental person that has ever bullied you is probably yourself" It's true, because I'm constantly bashing myself for being such a bad person to everyone. People say I'm ugly (cause you know, puberty, acne lol) and I have a round face it's almost like a ball, even though I'm quite skinny (JK I'm average size). But I don't really care, because as long as I know I have a pretty heart, it will probably spread out to my outsides and make me look pretty too. (DIFFUSION HAHA) Even when I'm praying (SOKA iz mah religion), I pray to become a better person, have a bigger heart (And a bigger brain lol gotta ace those exams cuz Im Asian). 

But habits are still hard to change, because no matter how hard I try, I still end up being a bad friend to my friends. No one said anything, I just feel like I changed for the worse, even though everyone around me change this past year too. I don't wanna go into the details here, because I'm not too sure if it's because that friend's become an asshole or because I was being an asshole. Maybe we are all assholes! 

Trying not to be the bad person used to be part of my life. Like what 'Perks of being a wallflower' said, I used to 'observe' way too much, and 'participate' way too little. But now I just 'participate' without 'observing my surroundings', which makes me more insensitive to my friends/family. 

I don't need anyone to reassure me (or maybe I do, I'm not sure. No one ever sincerely reassured me before so idk). I just need me to reassure myself. But is reassurance enough? I wish I could tell someone about how I feel, I wish I could cry to someone about this, but all I can do is talk to this blog and cry in the bathroom. It's not that there isn't anyone to turn to (I'm sure there is someone), it's just that I don't know who is trusting enough to turn to lol plus Idk how to go about it lol /YY WHY U SO DUMB/

I hate change. I hate my present self. But I keep moving forward, I can't change back. Why is change so easy when you don't want it, but so hard when you want it to happen?

Monday, October 21, 2013

15

Heyheyhey it's been a long time ;p Update on my life?

School: Did worse than what I had expected, I felt really sad at first, but YOLO I'll just have to work harder for O'levels. I can do it! :-) /as you can see I'm trying to be optimistic to prevent myself from going into the sad little corner in my room and listening to music and not moving for the whole day haha/

Band: Nothing much going on recently I guess haha. The next major concert is around May next year, so we have lots of time :-) I just went for an audition recently, and I screwed up really bad but YOLO haha I still feel really sad though. Anyway, wish me and my section luck! We will be have a 'Talentime' performance this Friday, and hopefully no one will fall asleep (as most people do when they listen to classical related stuff), and actually enjoy the show :-)

Friends/personality/Family: I have changed sooo much. I think I grew to be more insensitive to others and I take a lot lesser time to think before I talk (not a good thing). As what the book 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' says, I used to be so socially awkward because I was listening and observing way more than I was participating. But now, I feel that I'm participating a lot more, however I have not been listening and observing as much. Not a good thing :/ And I feel that I have hurt many of my friends' feelings. As you can tell, no one ever bullies me. The only bully is myself because I am always reflecting and telling myself my flaws hahaha so don't blame me when I get cranky when I face certain failures. I'm still working on the cranky part :/ Hopefully I can hold my inner-cranky back and still be able to smile when facing a certain failure (HOPEFULLY NO) in the future.

Thought of The Day: Have you ever thought how your grandkids will ever think of you as teenager? Or whether you will still be as hip as you were now? Hip hahaha niceeee word HAHAHAHA I really don't know.. Will we still know the 'in' stuff then even though we are old? Because, like, we have the Internet and stuff and I feel that our generation is always very flexible (??) We will always be able to adapt and learn new stuff I guess.. So maybe we won't be the same grandpas and grandmas we know now :-) But still, take some time to sit down and talk to your grandparents about their lives as a teenager, you never know what stories you might hear ;-) 

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I'm Sorry.

I don't know if you will read this, since my blog has been half-dead like for a thousand years. *BADUMTSSSSSSSSS* But this is the only place I feel, I can actually apologize to someone properly. I can Whatsapp, but I can see their 'last seen', and it really feels stupid if they don't reply me. I can talk in real life, but that just really sucks. I know I used to like face to face talk, but I can't now. It really makes me feel guilty when I hurt someone with my words. My actions. My childish thinking. I'm sorry *90 degree bow*.

I treat different friends differently. If they like talking about life, I talk to them about life. If they like talking about food, I talk to them about food. If they like exchanging friendly insults, I do it too. I once thought, for some of my friends, they do not mind friendly insults. Like hey, Fat-tee. Or harro maria. Or whatever. I thought so. I assumed. But sometimes, words do hurt, do they. And I get you. When you said you were hurt by friends around you on Whatsapp, I didn't get the hint at first. I thought someone was bullying you with words. I thought about the conversation JY E you and I had together that day. The one about hurting words. Yes, they do cut, very deep, fact. I just didn't know it applied to you too.

Because of what you said through WhatsApp, and the friend who always felt guilty, I somehow wonder whether it was because of us that hurt your feelings. Not anyone else. How ironic hahaha, and we were the ones trying to cheer you up. (I'm literally smiling at the screen right now) If what we say really do hurt you, I'm sincerely sorry. *another 90 degree bow* I know insults hurt, but I chose to do it anyway, thinking all of us will laugh it off. But after that day, I know, no matter how funny the insults are, no matter how hard your friends laugh, it still hurts. It hurts for Jy, it hurts for E, it hurts for C, it hurts for Sm, it hurts you, it hurts me, it hurts everyone.

And from their reactions, I can guess what they are sensitive about, and I try to avoid insulting them on that subject. Not because it's true, but because it gets them upset. Words hurt, I know they do. When people call him/her small eyes, as a friendly joke, not bullying, he/she laughs it off too, but he/she feels hurt, and I can read it through his/her face. I try to avoid insulting that part. But what hurts me is that when he/she insulted me in front of my new classmates, as a friendly insult, that they should one day draw red dots on their cheeks and pretend to be me, I was really hurt, I laughed it off, but my eyes were tearing up. I turned away. My other friend FW beside him/her asked, "You damn bad leh haha" He/she proudly said, "It's okay. She's my friend. And I know these insults won't hurt her." He/she was very wrong. It hurt me, but I put it to the back of my head, I forgot about it for awhile, and my spirits were lifted once again. He/she was my friend, I know he/she thinks they understand me, but sometimes words hurt. I don't blame them, I blame my pride for not telling them that that hurts. That's why they didn't know if I feel hurt by those words or not. I'm not angry at them, I'm not disappointed, I feel hurt. Not by them, just by their words.

Back to the topic. I'm really sorry, if those words hurt. If those actions hurt. What we did to you. No one volunteered to help clean up the store room, but everyone including me were busied with cleaning up lizard shit and spiders in the librarian shelf. I did help with the sweeping, but I have to admit I was procastinating a lot. I'm sorry for being so childish. I admit that at first I did not want to go home early, but after that I sincerely just wanted to help with the speaker wires and lizard shit and everything. And I apologize for J, he/she sometimes thinks they know that the words they say don't hurt. But I know they do. Komenasai. It wasn't he/she's fault. It's just that he/she doesn't really read faces very well.

Another thing (i know i'm naggy hahaha), to my friends who actually bother to read this or know my url, I know what you guys have been feeling since some told me. Everyone has their own set of problems, but it's better to confide in someone. I don't know how to explain this. But it's just better.

I have this feeling I just went a big whole circle just to get to the point oppppppppppppppsssssss hahaha Naggy me.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Status: Currently drowning in a pool of math homework.

Harro! Haven't been here since forever. Wayyyy to busy with school. Everyone's been practically drowning in a pool of homework, tests, mugging, and CCA. We're Secondary 3 this year the responsibilities are all pushed to us. More work. :-) *help me*

This is a random post, or rather, a report on my life. MYE's are coming, I'm not doing much. I feel so demotivated to go to school everyday, but I still try anyway. My current friends in class are close but not close at the same time. Hard to explain. I'm always choosing my clique from last year or my band clique over them. But that's okay, I guess. I'm not the only one who feels this, but I kind of feel left out sometimes, but I still feel, normal, I guess. It's okay to be lonely, it's okay to not be not confiding in anyone, it's okay... right?

This girl from my current class told me once, it's okay to be lonely, it's okay to be by yourself, since she's used to that already. She said it with a shrug, but I didn't know if she meant it or not. But I don't feel good about being lonely haha, since I haven't really been all these years. Many people dislike her, I used to too, but like back in Sec 1, as much as she was loud and unpleasant and stuff sometimes, she really cared alot as a friend. She was the one who stood up for me, the one who encouraged me, and told me to stand up for myself and not let anyone bully or take advantage of me.

Moving on. Lately, I have been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up hehe. That's because my sister's kinda choose which university and course she wants to go, and I can tell that she's kinda indecisive of what she wants to do. I always dreamt of being a musician since young (because I played the piano, even though I sucked at it). But the young me also knew that it was impossible, I still do think the same way now. You practically need to be a musical genius to be a good musician, and you have to have lots of years of practicing before you can be a good one too (which many people cannot afford to do). Also, if you really want to earn da monayz $$, you have to be a really good player and stand out among the rest. So, since I think, I don't know, forever, I wanted to be a musician. But since the age of around 8 or 9, I gave up on that goal (or dream haha *inserts whatsapp crying while laughing emoticon thingy). In Singapore, it's hard to be a musician with a good pay. In Singapore, you have to be realistic. And rich. Because the prices of EVERYTHING is going up. (Yes hahahaha, I take economics so I know this yay PED YED and Price Ceilings. Economics screws my mind over and over again, turning it into hundreds of burnt fried eggs) So, as much as I would aspire to be a musician, it's a stupid dream, and although I still want to be one, the dream will only be kept in my head. 90% chance not happening, unless I suddenly become really good at the piano or Clarinet (not happening~) (I practice everyday but nothing much happenin`) That's why I wanted to be a Psychiatrist, with a well-paying job and you get to see interesting people everyday, so it wouldn't get boring.

But, to be a Psychiatrist once again, you will/might be rich (but at least you can feed yourself), but you have to be smart enough to get to a good medical school and specialise in Psychiatry. I'm just like WHY DID I NOT BE COME A GENIUS. I'm too stupid for this T_T But at least I know, as long as I study hard, I might have a change to be one. So...yeah anyway it doesn't really matter, I'm only 15, I've got at least 4 years to think about this. Back to mugging/slacking.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I miss the dorky laughs we had together. I miss the times when we sat by the table making fun of our subject teachers and felt kind of bad about it after that. I miss the time when we played a childish game of the leg version of scissors paper stone on the last day of school, while no one else is watching, it was just us watching an playing. Sounds creepy but yeah. This wasn't a very big clique, it may not even BE a clique, but I felt like I belonged and this whole thing had lasted for super long and I hope it for on for forever. I think we are more of a sub-clique? Cause we kind of are close to other girls too. You guys reassure me and I hoped I did the same to you guys too. We will most likely not be in the same class next year but I hope we will still stay close with each other.